This issue’s Atlas of Grievance maps a single bottle of beer. Specifically, it maps the places in America where people are most certain that a beer has insulted them, and in which direction.
The beer is Mildly Agreeable Lager, a fictional pale lager brewed in the fictional town of Grudgeburg. For most of its history Mildly Agreeable was a beer of no opinions. It tasted like a beer. It was sold in a can. Then, last spring, the brewery changed the can.
The can
The new design shows a sunset over a field, painted in soft pastels. That is all it shows. We have examined it under magnification. There are no words.
Within a week, the Red-Capped herd had identified the sunset as a political statement. The colors, according to a widely shared video, were “obviously a message,” and the field was “clearly not a real American field.” Within ten days, the Blue-Capped herd had identified the same sunset as a different political statement. The colors were “a dog whistle,” and the field was “clearly a very particular kind of field.” Both herds announced a boycott. Both herds shared the same photo of the same can.
“Both herds announced a boycott. Both herds shared the same photo of the same can.”
The smart ones explain the sunset
What surprised our team was not the outrage of the average specimen. It was the analysis of the sophisticated ones.
A marketing professor from one herd wrote a long, footnoted essay explaining the semiotics of the pastel palette. A brand strategist from the other herd wrote an equally long essay explaining the semiotics of the field. Both essays were intelligent. Both were cited by thousands. Neither author contacted the brewery, which, it turns out, had changed the can because the old printer broke.
“Interpretation is a skill,” said Dr. Bea Grudging, a fictional scholar of consumer grievance. “The more education you have, the more meanings you can find in a sunset. That’s not stupidity. It’s talent, pointed at the wrong target.”
The fifth season
The boycott is now entering its fifth season, a remarkable run for a fight about a picture. Our team has observed the seasonal pattern closely.
In season one, both herds poured cans out on camera. In season two, both herds switched to a rival brewery, whose label was found, by season three, to contain a problematic mountain. In season four, there were limited-edition commemorative cans of Mildly Agreeable, purchased by both herds to pour out in protest. Season five began this month with a reunion special.
We checked the sales figures, which are fictional. They have not moved. The boycotters who stopped buying the beer were mostly people who had never bought it. The protest purchases made up the difference.
The renewable resource
The question every Atlas asks is: who profits from the grievance?
Our team collected fundraising emails from organizations in both herds that had taken a position on the can. With the logos removed, they were nearly identical. Each warned that “they” were coming for “our way of life.” Each said the beer was “just the beginning.” Each set a deadline of midnight. The only consistent difference was the font.
Outrage is the one fuel that is never used up by being burned. A boycott that wins ends. A boycott that keeps going pays salaries. Nobody in either herd’s fundraising office has any interest in season six being the last.
The can in the mirror
Readers will have noticed which herd they found more ridiculous. Try this: think of the last product your own side asked you to boycott. Do you remember what it actually did? Do you remember if the boycott ended, or how? Do you remember who sent you the email?
Boycotts can be a fair tool when the facts are real and the goal is clear. That is why they deserve facts and a goal. A boycott of a sunset has neither, and it still raises money.
Barb’s Tavern
On our last night in Grudgeburg we stopped at Barb’s Tavern, where Mildly Agreeable is still on tap. The bar was half Red-Capped and half Blue-Capped, as it has been for thirty years. Barb Tender pours for everyone.
“Is it controversial?” we asked.
“It’s beer,” said Barb. She slid two over, one to a man in a red cap and one to a man in a blue cap. They nodded at each other. Nobody filmed it.
Satire This article is a work of comedy. Mildly Agreeable Lager, the town of Grudgeburg, Barb’s Tavern, Barb Tender, Dr. Fieldnote, Hollis Longlens, Dr. Bea Grudging and the Desk of Persuasion are fictional. No real beer brand, company or boycott is named or described, and the sales figures are made up. The illustration is AI-generated and shows no real person. National Sarcastic is not affiliated with National Geographic.
