The CollectionSatire

The Specimen Collection

Every specimen we have pinned to a board, eighteen in all. Three expeditions, two tribes, one reader who is sure it’s about someone else. Everything here is satire.

A. Politics & Culture
B. Values & Morality
C. Economics & Ecology
The Classics
By Department

A. Politics & Culture

Five specimens

A painted grassland at golden hour: a herd of sheep in red caps on the left, a herd in blue caps on the right, both turned away, and one capless sheep alone in the middle holding a small open book while a researcher watches through binoculars.

Field StudiesSatire

Field Researchers Document Rare Voter Who Changed His Mind; Specimen Promptly Expelled By Both Herds

He read a second article. He reconsidered. By the end of the week, both of his political families had stopped returning his texts.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 7 min read

A painted county-fair seesaw with a red-capped sheep raised high and cheering at one end, while a blue-capped sheep at the low end inspects the seesaw’s hinge through a magnifying glass; behind them, the same scene repeats in reverse.

EmbarrassSatire

Bipartisan Breakthrough: Both Parties Agree Elections Are Only Rigged When They Lose

After years of bitter division, Americans have found common ground. The system works perfectly, every time it produces the correct result.

Theodore Quagmire · 6 min read

A painted natural-history scene of a calm stag standing on a wooden museum platform, surrounded on the left by owl scholars in tweed with calipers and a clipboard and on the right by badger coaches in tracksuits with whistles, both groups measuring the stag with calipers and tape measures.

ExploitSatire

Gender Studies Seminar And Men’s-Podcast Host Independently Conclude Men Are Simple Creatures Requiring Expert Supervision

Two rival schools of thought. Two opposite philosophies. One diagnosis, two invoices, and no one asked the man.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 7 min read

A painted Victorian laboratory with a large brass perpetual-motion machine beside an unlabeled bar chart on an easel; on the left a red-capped sheep and on the right a blue-capped sheep each run inside a wooden wheel, both turning the same gears.

Through the SpinSatire

Race Debate Achieves Perpetual Motion As Every Statistic Proves Both Sides Right

Scientists have long said a machine that runs forever is impossible. They had not yet seen one chart, two cable panels and a comment section.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 6 min read

A painted town square with a plain beer bottle with a blank label on a stone pedestal; a herd of red-capped sheep and a herd of blue-capped sheep both turn their backs on it while holding blank protest placards, as a fox in a waistcoat quietly collects coins in a jar from both herds.

Atlas of GrievanceSatire

Culture War Enters Fifth Season As Both Sides Boycott Same Beer Brand For Opposite Reasons

One can. One sunset. Two opposite messages, two boycotts, and a sales chart that hasn’t noticed either of them.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 6 min read

B. Values & Morality

Five specimens

A painted museum display case holding a brass, heart-shaped machine covered in dials and levers, with a red-and-blue dial at its center, while a white-gloved curator’s hand adjusts one knob with a tiny screwdriver.

EmbarrassSatire

Local Man’s Moral Principles Found Fully Adjustable Depending On Which Party Got Caught

Engineered to last a lifetime. Calibrated by party. Recalibrated by lunch.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 6 min read

A painted mountain gorge spanned by an empty rope bridge; on the left cliff a herd of red-capped sheep and on the right cliff a herd of blue-capped sheep each hold out olive branches and beckon the other side to cross first, while on a higher ledge above them a third small herd in grey caps looks down at both, sipping tea.

Field StudiesSatire

Study Finds People Who Deplore Tribalism Mostly Deplore The Other Tribe’s

They have read the books on polarization. They share the charts. They would very much like the country to come together, over here.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 6 min read

A painted village shop with two service windows; at the left window a red-capped sheep clerk hands wrapped parcels to red-capped sheep, at the right window a blue-capped sheep clerk hands parcels to blue-capped sheep, while at each end of the shopfront one customer from the other herd waits, unserved, beside a closed door.

FlashblackSatire

Forgiveness Declared Seasonal, Available Only To Allies

An old post resurfaces. A career ends. The same old post resurfaces somewhere else, and its author is praised for his authenticity. The almanac explains.

Theodore Quagmire · 6 min read

A painted village green with two sheep on wooden soapboxes, one in a red cap and one in a blue cap, each tossing gold coins generously to an admiring crowd while one reaches toward the coat pocket of a startled bystander sheep.

ExploitSatire

Nation Agrees Compassion Is Best Measured By How Much Of Someone Else’s Money You’d Spend

A new index measures how much Americans care. It finds record levels of compassion, almost none of it billed to the person feeling it.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 6 min read

A painted classical hall with a large brass balance scale; two owls in academic gowns, one wearing a red sash and one wearing a blue sash, each press a talon on the scale’s pan on their own side, while a pile of tools, a crowbar, scissors and a rule book with its pages torn, sits on the floor between them.

SpoofSatire

Ethicists Confirm The Ends Justify The Means, Provided They Are Our Ends

A rare joint statement from moral philosophers of both tribes. One sentence, two readings, and a footnote nobody signed.

Theodore Quagmire · 6 min read

C. Economics & Ecology

Five specimens

A painted sky full of hawks wearing green accountant’s eyeshades and carrying scrolls and pocket calculators, flying in a V formation away from a domed government building on a hill, while a few lone hawks fly back the other way past a forgotten stack of cash and an unrolled receipt.

Field StudiesSatire

Deficit Hawks Observed Migrating South The Moment Their Party Takes Power

They sound the alarm for years. They circle the Capitol, crying for the grandchildren. Then their side wins, and the sky goes quiet.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 7 min read

A painted suburban street split down the middle: sunshine, flowers and a rainbow over a house with a red-flagged mailbox on one side, storm clouds and a wilted garden over an identical house with a blue-flagged mailbox on the other, and between them a single grocery bag of eggs, bread and milk on a museum pedestal.

ExploitSatire

Economy Simultaneously Booming And Collapsing, Depending On Who You Voted For

Two neighbors. One street. One grocery bag. Our researchers found two completely different economies living in it, and neither one would look at the receipt.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 7 min read

A painted coastline split in two: on the left a sunny beach resort where small white private jets have landed on the sand like seabirds beside a table holding a hamburger under a silver dome and a magnifying glass; on the right the same shore under a dark hurricane sky, with oil pump jacks, a boat piled high with luggage fleeing inland, and a lone white wind turbine on a distant hill.

Field StudiesSatire

Climate Delegates Arrive By Private Jet To Discuss Your Hamburger; Drill-Baby-Drill Caucus Evacuates For Third Hurricane, Blames Windmills

Two expeditions, one coastline. Our researchers went looking for the ecologists and found something rarer: two tribes that have learned to wear the planet as a costume.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 7 min read

A painted fairground stage under red and blue bunting where two white-gloved hands, one with a red cuff and one with a blue cuff, grip the same giant brass lever, with strings running from it to blank price tags on a market stall of fruit and vegetables, while a crowd of sheep in straw hats cheers below.

EmbarrassSatire

Price Controls And Tariffs Hold Joint Rally, Agree Market Should Do Whatever Politicians Feel Like

Everyone loves the free market until it shows up. At a county fairground, two old rivals discovered they had been holding the same lever the whole time.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 7 min read

A painted wood-paneled hall where a row of spectacled owls in academic gowns, half in red scarves and half in blue, sit around a long table each pointing a wing at the next owl, the chain of pointing ending at an empty chair, while a blank bill on a silver tray waits untouched in the foreground.

ExploitSatire

Nation’s Smartest People Agree Someone Else Should Pay For It

A summit of the country’s best minds, from both herds, reached the rarest thing in public life: complete consensus. The free lunch is back, and it has a much better vocabulary.

Dr. Margaret Fieldnote · 6 min read